


Never

by 0The_Girl_In_The_Back0



Series: Never [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji (2014), Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, mentionings of underage sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 01:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4202925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0The_Girl_In_The_Back0/pseuds/0The_Girl_In_The_Back0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ciel, after being physically saved, finds himself mentally and emotionally trapped in that horrible place. He takes a blade to his skin to try and help. Sebastian figures this out. In an attempt to stop him, Sebastian admits his true feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never

**Author's Note:**

> This is a oneshot, but if it magically gets success and people ask for more, I might just go and write an actual story.
> 
> But this is just my "literary cutting" after I read a rather depressing story. Better with words than a razor, right?"
> 
> WARNING: This story has scenes with cutting. This could be a trigger.

10 years

It started after Sebastian rescued him. He was laying in bed one night, after one of his horrible nightmares, and sought out the knife from under his pillow. He'd heard about people cutting themselves before, but was too young and naive to understand. Cutting's for paper, as he would always say. But on that night he understood.

He got out his switchblade, and ran it across his wrist. Write in silver, and it comes out red. Blood dripped on his exposed thigh, which he decided to cut next. It hurt for a second, but he dared to smile when the pain was replaced with pleasure. The ten-year-old quickly cleaned the blood off before he shoved his blade back under his pillow. Moments later, Sebastian came in.

"Is everything alright, my lord?" He asked cautiously. "I smell blood." Ciel stiffened.

"I was chewing my lip." The boy excused. "I just broke it open. Is there a reason as to why you came in here so late in the night?"

"I heard your scream. Another nightmare, master?" The butler stepped closer to the bed.

"Yes. I'm better now." Ciel replied before shifting back under the blankets.

"Do you wish for me to tuck you in?" Sebastian asked. Ciel gave a nod and whispered, "That would be nice," Sebastian tucked his little lord in, and Ciel drifted off to sleep quickly. The demon kissed his forehead. "If you start this little habit and won't stop, my lord, I will have to confront you. And I know you won't want that."

11 years

It was year before Sebastian finally decided to confront his master. It had gotten considerably worse, and the young master started overlapping his cuts. The demon didn't know how to start a conversation like that, so he cautiously brought it up while he was serving his tea one day.

"Master," He began. "I think there's a habbit of yours that should have been called to attention months ago." The earl visibly stiffened, but tried to play it off.

"Oh? And whatever could that be?" He inquired, sipping his Earl Grey.

"I believe you have aquired quite a few new scars. And I know they weren't there when I was first summoned." Sebastian stated. Ciel's fingers twitched, as if tempted to cover his cuts.

"I haven't a clue what you're talking about." Ciel said quickly. Sebastian sighed and leaned over. His fingers caught the cuff of Ciel's jacket sleeve. He tugged it up to reveal a set of fresh cuts.

"This is what I'm talking about, Ciel." He growled. The boy instinctively turned and slapped his butler.

"How dare you call me by my name. I am your master, not your friend. Furthermore, you haven't a right to confront me about such things. As I said, I am your master not your friend. You would do well to learn your place." Ciel snapped. Sebastian's eyes flashed that demonic fuscia before he gave a slight bow.

"I apologize, master. However, I do have a right to confront you about things such as this." He tapped the scarred wrist, causing Ciel to wince. "Not as your butler, but as your contractor. Don't forget, I have vowed to protect you to the very end, even if it means from yourself.

"Now, I am going to treat and bandage these. I will also take away every sharp object you have access to. Yes, even your pens. And you will not object lest you'd like me to call your aunt Frances about this and let her give you a piece of her mind." Sebastian lectured. Ciel glared at him, but gave a defeated sigh. His butler had a point.

Sebastian picked his master up and carried him to his room. He removed Ciel's clothes and spread medicine over the cuts before wrapping them in bandages. He patted Ciel's thigh, whuch caused the boy to wince, and reached and the pillow to get the switchblade hidden underneath. Sebastian quickly checked the bed and the rest of the room, finding stashed away kitchen knives and razors.

"Get in bed and sleep like a good little Earl, and I will be back to check on you in an hour." Ciel opened his mouth to object. "I'll still caul your aunt." The boy huffed in annoyance but climed in bed nonetheless. "Remember, this is for your own good. Just imagined if these got infected and your revenge was put off."

"Yes, yes. Just go do your chores. Damn demon." The butler bowed and left, leaving Ciel alone. The boy was honestly trying not to go out in search of something sharp. A knife, a razor, a thorn, anything. Anything to stop the pain.

12 years

A year later, and Ciel was trying not to relapse. He had just gone throufh a particularly hard case. Children were getting kidnapped and tortured so much yhat they were hardly recognizable. They were returned to their homes barely living, dying soon after. 

The night after the case ended, he found himself in bed, trembling. His old brand mark burned. His fingers twitched in the urge to get hus switchblade and give himself some more scars. He resisted that night, thankfully, but it wasn't long before he finally broke.

Instead of doing it in an obvious place, he did it inside his thighs, close to his crotch. Sebastian wouldn't dare look there. He cut in his side, almost right under his armpit. His new places were hard to reach, but the endorphins made him smile nonetheless. He just hoped Sebastian wouldn't notice the smell of blood.

It got progressively worse, of course. But the worse night by far was the night his aunt died. He lay in his bed, holding the knife in his hand. He gave up on trying to hide it. Ciel pressed the blade to his wrist, right over the vein. He slid it across, loving the thin line of red that appeared. 

That night, he reopened old wounds and made new ones. It wasn't until his vision went fuzzy that he realised he went too deep. He welcomed the pain, embraced it. He was hoping to die. Why not? He lost everything that mattered to him. When Sebastian slammed the door right open, Ciel cried out.

"No! Don't touch me!" He whimpered. Sebastian edged forward and slid the knife from Ciel's weak grasp. The butler pressed the sheet to the deepest of the wounds. Ciel held back a cry, replacing it with whispered words. "You weren't supposed to come in. You were supposed to stay away. You were supposed to let me die."

The boy was surprised when soft lips pressed against his own. He let out a gasp of surprise, before allowing his eyes to flutter close. It was a simple kiss, just lips against lips.

"Never. I will never let you die, my lord. Even if it takes my own death, you will never die. I promise you that." Sebastian whispered against the bluenette's lips. "You are my dear Ciel. You are my love. And you are going to live."

"What about after I get my revenge? You will have no choice but to kill me." His voice was cracked, but he didn't care.

"Whoever said that I was going to kill you? Who knows? I might just make you a demon, to live with me for all of eternity."

"I think you would get sick of me by then." His voice was getting weaker. His vision had black spots in it. The last thing he heard before he fell out of consiousness was a simple word.

"Never."

13 Years

He got better. Really, he did. He no longer had the slightest desire to go back to the knife. He just wanted Sebastian. 

It took quite a bit of convincing on his butler's part, but Ciel finally allowed himself to love his demon. Well, greatly like from the very bottom of his heart. Love didn't exist, after all. 

Ciel, though, had found that he slept better when his head was resting on Sebastian's strong bicep with the man's arms wrapped around him. He also found that a good romp was a way to get rid of stress. And that life was easier to live knowing you had someone there for you no matter what. And that- well, you get the gist, Ciel learned a lot if things.

It was hard, however, to suppress the urge to tiejack his butler and crash his lips into his during an outing or in front of guests. It was simply wrong in society's eyes. Not only were they both men, Sebastian was also a butler. He was of lower class of Ciel. Ciel was also quite a bit younger than Sebastian. No, they had to be together in secret. Even if it hurt his little black heart to hide his great liking-it's not love, remember?- for his demon.

When they were alone, though, was when Ciel felt happiest. Whether Sebastian and him were simply having a nice rut in his office, or snogging in his room, or even sitting quietly in a carriage, he found himself smiling brightly. Quite a change than before when he and Sebastian were simply master and butler. Nothing more than two beings with a contract. He was quite the frosty boy back then.

"Ciel?" His butler snapped him out of his thoughts. Oh, right. Sebastian calls him Ciel when it's just them. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Ciel gives the elder male a bright smile. He recieves a soft kiss.

"Are you sure? You seem....upset about something. Are you cutting again?" Sebastian looked at the boy in his arms, a concerned look on his face. It had been a year, but Sebastian remembered Ciel's last relapse. The bluenette gave out a small laugh.

"God, no. Never again. I swore to it, Sebastian. And you know well how I always keep my promises." Ciel assured. The concerned look on his demon's face faded away, but it still clouded his eyes, much like the lust when he was pounding Ciel into the mattress. The boy quickly pushesd those thoughts aside. His ass was far too sore to go at it a seventh time that night.

"Alright," Sebastian conceded. "I just worry about you. Never thought I would say that to a mortal." Sebastian muttered. Ciel gave a smile.

"As I never thought I would greatly like my demon butler." Ciel admitted. Sebastian's eyes flashed fuscia before going back to that glorious crimson, causing Ciel. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just love it when you call me yours. Although, I do have a question about that 'greatly like' part. Do you not love me?" Sebastian asked, failing to conceal the hurt in his garnet orbs. Ciel scoffed.

"I would, if I believed in love. Honestly, I don't much care for the word. But, if you want me to use it, then I will." Ciel kissed Sebastian's jaw before resting his head back on that strong bicep.

"No, no. Greatly like is fine." Sebastian smiled, the hurt gaving disappeared.

"Okay, then. I greatly like you." Ciel admitted.

"I great like you, too. And I will never stop." Sebastian pressed a kiss to Ciel's temple.

"Never is a big word, Sebastian. Will you take it back?" Ciel teased. Sebastian's lips pressed against his own gently before pulling away, so they were barely grazing one another's

"Never."


End file.
